Fear
Fear has his grip on me. He won’t let go. He turns my head towards things to see. Things I shall never know. He tells me the worst is to come. He squashes my spirit.
My Lord takes pity on me. He stands withing my reach. “Free me from Fear Lord!” He showers me with grace. “I have given you freedom but you must also let go.”
I look to see my reflection. Fear is no longer holding me. My hands are holding him. My knuckles are white. What am I doing? I let go.
Good-bye Fear.
The poem above was given to me in a quiet time in October of 2018. I’m not exactly the best poetic writer on my own but at times God will give me something to write in my journal. These words reflect Fear and it’s strangling ways but also my own comfort in Fears embrace. We do that don’t we? We get in to situations where Fear speaks and we exhaustively repeat those fears until it’s comfortable for us. I know that for me I have battled that very thing over and over again even while standing in faith for healing. I have always known that God would heal me but there have been so many times that Fear creeps in and not only takes a hold of me but I hold on to him too.
I believe that Fear is a spirit sent by the enemy. Now don’t misunderstand me and think that all “fear” isn’t healthy. If you are standing on the edge of a cliff and someone tells you to jump your fear not to do so in that moment isn’t unhealthy but a survival instinct. I’m talking about the Fear that creeps in to your thoughts and contradicts God’s direction in your life. It can be something as simple as “you’re not good enough for that so don’t try” to “Your doctor doesn’t have all the answers. 35% of women live through this so your chances are minimal.”
Have you ever met someone you perceive as “fearless?” You know the type…dare devil, fly by the seat of their pants, jumps out of air planes, or makes erratic life choices but everything works out in the end. We’ve all met those people and they can not escape Fear any more than we can. They have chosen to silence Fear and live their lives although some of their fears may be a little different and could be effecting them in a different way. You see Fear does not, and never will, discriminate and the enemy would not stop his greatest weapon from attempting to conquer all in his path.
The very verse that “stalked” me through my cancer journey directs us to a moment in time where Fear attempts to take center stage in a moment with the Israelite people where God shows up in a big way. In Exodus 14:14 scripture tells us “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” but you have to see the full picture of what’s going on in that moment. If you back up to verse 10 you begin to see the worst fears of the Israelite slaves (they were slaves for 400 years but were just freed to move on to the promised land) as Pharaoh and his army chases after them to bring them back to servitude or maybe kill them all. The Red Sea is directly in front of them and there is no escape. Keep in mind that there are children, elderly, livestock, and gold in their possession so it’s not like they could all swim to safety. This is where Fear jumps in and starts using their voices saying “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?”
I love how Moses, the former “Egyptian prince” with a stutter, takes charge and speaks boldly. In verses 13 and 14 it says “Moses answered the people, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.'” After this moment Moses raises his staff and the Red Sea is parted so the Israelite’s can cross and Pharaoh’s army is drowned when they attempt to cross. I know…I picture Charleton Heston when I read this part of scripture too.
That’s not all that God does in that moment either. He sends His angel that was traveling with the Israelites (which I’m pretty sure they couldn’t see or they’d be even more terrified) to go behind them and move the pillar cloud he was using as a guide to the back to hold off the Egyptians (vs. 19-20). It’s really an amazing picture of God’s love for his people and His protective hand at work.
Take a moment to REALLY think about this. The leader of Egypt, oppressor of the Israelite’s and a god to his people, is chasing after his slaves who were standing in front of a SEA without boats. There weren’t just a few of them but thousands that were staring at water in front of them and death behind them. Fear has the perfect opportunity to make his appearance and can we really blame the Israelite’s for being afraid? I think I’d be afraid too.
That is what happens to all of us in tough circumstances. Those moments that we can’t control cause Fear to take hold of us. It can be anything from fear of a difficult boss giving you your pink slip (so you work your self to exhaustion) to fear of life being cut too short due to a cancer diagnosis. Fear will use anything in your life to make you cling to him and forget that you have a Savior who is willing and ready to walk with you if you trust Him to do so.
I’m not saying things will always work out the way you had hoped for but God never wastes a moment. I don’t believe God gives us things like cancer (read Job) but he allows it to happen so that things will work out in the end. Sometimes that diagnosis takes a life but think of how it may have impacted the lives of others around that person (again read Job). Many times God uses something bad to give us an opportunity to grow and learn to trust Him. Sometimes “healing” isn’t physical but it is spiritual or it is the relationship between you and your creator being “healed.” For me it was both physical and spiritual. The last two years have been the best and the worst of my life simultaneously.
Keep in mind that I say all of this but that I am human and VERY flawed. I’m not a god nor am I exactly “holy” in my every day life. What I do know is what I’ve experienced first hand that the God of the universe put things in to motion to not only show me His healing power but show me that He loves me. I’m nobody. I’m not a wealthy person, a scholar, a president, a queen, or even a pastor. I’m a currently unemployed, approaching middle age, woman from South Georgia yet God chose to work in my life in a way I would have NEVER expected. Although I have been told I’m in remission my journey is not over yet. I know this disease can come back but I also know that I will continue to trust God with every fiber of my being.
What is Fear using in your life today? Is it the job? Your family? Finances? Your health? As you read these words I want you to make an effort to start speaking life over your situation. It’s hard at first, trust me I know, but when Fear speaks silence him with scripture or simply tell him that you are trusting God in your moment of trouble. Fear takes you by the throat to strangle you to in submitting to his lies but when Fear hears your consistent words of faith he let’s go of you. I want to encourage you to let go of him too. You just might be holding on to him as tightly as he is holding you.